Seal the Rim & Cover

Mercury Sunderland

i stuff
vodka, grams,
papers, pipe,
vape & cartridges

into a trader joe’s 
paper bag

seal the rim & cover
the entire thing
in nothing but
pink duct tape. my

doctor says
no weed & alcohol
before & after my top surgery
which is next week. i

pray upon the trans gods
who smile on me
after my nine years of struggle

to get an expensive medical procedure done
that donald trump thinks
is done for free
for trans children at public schools.

& wonder how
i can be so lucky & terrified
for i am in reach for
my freedom
in a country
that hates trans people so much. i

relish for how soon
i will wake up
& never have breasts again

almost fulfilling the trans man fantasy
of taking them off
& giving them to a trans lady
who would cherish them instead. so

i stuff
vodka, grams,
papers, pipe,
vape & cartridges

into a trader joe’s 
paper bag

tools of hardship are put away
for at least a month
of recovery where

i will blossom into the scars of freedom
i have yearned for so long. so i

hope for the future again. it’s
not much in this burning world. i

seal the rim & cover
the entire thing
in nothing but
pink duct tape.

‡‡

MERCURY SUNDERLAND (he/him) is an autistic gay trans man from Seattle, Washington. He’s been published by University of Amsterdam’s Writer’s Block, UC Davis’ Open Ceilings, UC Riverside’s Santa Ana River Review, and UC Santa Barbara’s Spectrum.