by Ihor Pidhainy
They were waiting for me at the door. I was nervous and opened it quickly. Neixin had phoned the day before and told me why she was coming over. She stood next to Gao Di, who was as handsome as usual, but frightened and masking this fright as best he could. I invited them in.
They were uncomfortable in my family’s living room, although none of my family was present and none of them knew why they were visiting. It was a secret that only the three of us shared.
Neixin was the bravest, but it was she who was facing the knife and it was she who was going to suffer.
I offered my guest tea and oranges. Neixin ate sunflower seeds, I thought how happy we had been.
‡
The Hospital for Women and Children was located half-way up Hospital Road. It appeared after the shops for Spring Festival Decorations and books, stalls for flowers and sweets, peddlers of fruit and chestnuts. The three of us entered and Gao Di lined up to purchase a ticket. Neixin and I stood off from the line. She looked over at Gao Di and humphed.
‘He gets me in this trouble,’ but she paused and then didn’t finish her speech.
Gao Di purchased the ticket and came over.
‘Gao Di, you wait outside,’ Neixin commanded in a strong voice.
I was surprised but Gao Di only shrugged and went outside.
‘Zhuli, I’m scared.’
We hugged tightly and then let go. On the bench across from us a woman was nursing her infant. She was in her mid-thirties and looked like she came from the country outside the town. Neixin’s family was also outside of Daoyuan, my hometown. They lived in Zaozhuang which was almost an hour by bus from Daoyuan and was only a village by comparison. It was too small a place, everyone knew everyone and this would have shamed her family deeply. So she came to visit me in the city of Daoyuan.
‡
The doctor called Neixin and both of us entered the office. There were a few other woman seated on the chairs and benches against the wall. Neixin and I were the youngest. We were the only ones who were under twenty-five in the room. The doctor motioned for Neixin to have a seat in the chair across the desk from her.
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘My period’s late.’
‘How late?’
‘Two months.’
‘Well, come with me.’
The doctor led Neixin to an area that was partitioned off from the rest of the office. They were there for a few minutes and then returned.
‘We’ll call you in a little while.’
Neixin and I left the office and walked about the hallway. She told me what the doctor had done in the other room. I listened in, drinking all of this information down.
‡
The doctor recalled Neixin and gave her the news. It was official. She was pregnant. The doctor asked and assigned a time for her operation a little later.
The three of us sat outside. The sun was warm and the weather nice. The operation was scheduled in an hour. I wanted to leave Neixin and Gao Di alone, but she didn’t want and I stayed. We didn’t speak very many words.
‡
The operation was to be performed down the hall from the room where Neixin had been examined. I walked over and purchased the ticket for the operation. It was not a long wait, so I lingered near the counter after I had made the purchase. When I returned to Neixin, she and Gao Di were very quiet.
‘Gao Di, you wait outside.’
Gao Di left, reluctantly. I could see that he wanted to stay, wanted to be with Neixin, but it would be easier for her with him outside.
Neixin and I walked down the hall and turned into the room. We waited for the doctor. We didn’t talk – what was the use of words at this point?
The doctor called Neixin. I wanted to go with her, she looked so frightened and so small. I sat as the doctor led her into the operating room.
‡
The operation lasted more than half-an-hour. I sat quietly in the room adjoining and heard Neixin’s moans and groans. It sounded horrible.
Neixin came out of the room, pale as a ghost. I jumped up from my seat and held her up. I brought her over to the bench and helped her lie down. I then returned to the doctor’s table and took the prescription for the medicine the doctor wrote out. The doctor was a kind woman, but a little angry and frustrated by the passing of so many young women before her. She looked at me and I believed there was a warning in her eyes, but all she said was regarding the medicine. I went out into the hallway and ran smack into Gao Di.
‘I’m going to buy the medicine,’ I said, knowing nothing else.
Gao Di took out a large sum of money and put it in my hand. I tried to refuse, but he wouldn’t let me. He went directly to Neixin. I walked down to the medicine counter, purchased tickets and lined up for the medicine. I bought the medicine and returned to Neixin. Gao Di had helped Neixin to her feet and supported her as we left the hospital. I ran outside and called a pedicab. The driver peddled over and helped Gao Di place Neixin in the seat. Gao Di got in beside her. I took another pedicab.
We reached my apartment block in a few minutes. Gao Di paid both drivers and we helped Neixin through the courtyard, past the offices and to the building of my family’s flat. We lived on the fourth floor and Gao Di carried Neixin up the staircase. I opened the door and Gao Di brought Neixin over to the sofa.
‘Let’s take her to my bedroom,’ I said.
‘I can walk,’ Neixin insisted.
She rose and, with Gao Di’s help, stumbled into my room. I quickly prepared the bed and placed extra pillows down for her. Neixin lay quietly.
I left them alone in the bedroom.
‡
My mother arrived from work around six. I explained to her that Neixin and Gao Di were visiting for the day. My mother and I set about making dinner. A little later, Gao Di came out and helped with the preparations. Soon my younger brother came home and he was overjoyed with our guests – Neixin was one of his favourites among my classmates. He went to purchase some beer for our guests.
Dinner was a little strange. My brother, father and mother were very happy that my classmates had come for dinner. My mother made a lot of food and then sent my father out to order some other dishes. My brother breathed in with intoxication Gao Di and Neixin’s stories of University and city life. But the three of us felt glum and downhearted. We hid this best as we could and played our parts with bitter relish.
My parents generation is strict. My father made sure that Neixin and I shared my bed, while Gao Di bunked with my brother. Neixin and I talked for a long time into the night, in whispers, and I felt truly sad for her. My father rose a couple of times in the night and walked about the flat. We fell asleep to his comforting footsteps in the hall.
In the morning Neixin insisted on going home. My mother and I attempted to detain her, but she was adamant. I accompanied my classmates to the bus station and saw them off. After their bus set off, I walked home and I cried. At home, I read a book, put it down and thought about Neixin.
‡
My mother understood something, something that I don’t know how she did. She would tell me there was a connection between the heart of the daughter and her mother and no matter where I was, she knew when I suffered or when I was happy. I do not know how – perhaps one day I will. It took a few days, but one day when a friend of my father’s visited our flat and stayed over, my mother and I shared her bed and talked into the night.
‘Daughter, what is bothering you?’
‘Nothing, mother.’
‘Tell me. I know.’
I told her.
My mother was very angry.
She told me that Neixin might have died because she had lost a lot of blood as a result of the abortion and we should not have allowed her to travel in that state. And she cursed my youth and our generation’s folly. And we talked late into the night. And I held my mother tight, as I had as a child until I fell into sleep.
I was afraid my mother would tell my father, but she didn’t. And after the Spring Festival, when I returned to University, Neixin and I never spoke about it. And we went on with our lives as students, no longer young nor innocent.
‡‡
IHOR PIDHAINY is a teacher and writer based in the Atlanta area. His poetry appears in Ranger Magazine Issue 8, Litbop v. 1, No. 4, W3IRD, and will soon appear in Juste Milieu Zine, Scapegoat Review, Merion West Poetry and Meow Meow Pow Pow Lit. His story “A Lonely Lover and his Dirty Old Man” is viewable at Bright Flash Literary Review.
Union Spring Literary Review 